The house that built me….This house contains MOST of my best childhood memories. It was my Nannie and Bops house in Royal Palm Beach, FL. I spent a lot of time with them here, and honestly thank God For every single second.

I learned to water ski in the canal behind their house (bc my bop threw me in after we had spent the prior hour going gator hunting…. And told me, I’d learn to ski, or I’d have to swim Home…. I GOT RIGHT UP, my cousin Melissa is my witness)!

I learned how to NOT swing a golf club, by taking a chunk out of my Bops carefully manicured front lawn (I’m left handed and was given a right handed club), and learned how to bait a hook and fish in that backyard.

In this house my Nannie would camp out on the living room floor with all 6 of her grandkids and talk to us all night long. She would say: “goodnight, sleep tight! Don’t let the bed bugs bite, and if they do.. hit ‘em’ with your shoe til their black and blue.” Something I now say to my kids daily.

This house was ALWAYS FILLED With love and dessert. Every night my Nannie cooked. We didn’t eat out when we were in this house. She made every meal. And many included pear salad or frozen fruit salad for us kids; And a night in this home wasn’t complete without a hot brownie, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, (or lemon cake for Stuart) served in one of two bowls: One with a little hand painted magnolia on it or a little brown wooden bowl. She had a cabinet with only plastic “fun” cups for us to drink out of when we were there. With the Transformers on them.

We would wake up and swim in the pool all day long, in one of those pools that had a screen like all Florida homes do for some reason, and lay out in that PVC pipe style furniture that must’ve been a permanent fixture for Florida homes in the 80’s- 90’s. We would eat cheese and crackers as a snack… and I’d wake up In the mornings and pretend to read the newspaper on that patio, in the matching PVC PIPE dining set because that’s where Nannie and bop would be, so early In the morning; So, not to wake us. Her with her orangish yellow coffee cup, and him flipping through the news. And I think she was just waiting for us to wake up…. I don’t think she much cared for the newspaper either.

This house is where I would go as a teen for the summer and spend a few weeks with them half by myself and half with my cousins who lived close by. I wouldn’t trade those summers for anything in this world. Getting to grow up with them, with my aunt Ann, and Uncle George…. I was blessed to have that time. But it all happened in this house.

It’s odd how not much has changed since they left this home. A large boat garage was built in place of my Bops Orange tree, and there is a fence now in the back (probably wise). But it’s still the house I so lovingly remember.

It’s like time Stopped on Mayorca Ct. the day they left.

This house, the people that filled it with love and ALL MY MOST CHERISHED MEMORIES- will forever be #thebeautyingrace

“I love you, A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck…. Bet your pretty neck I do”

Annalee Evelyn,

I can’t even begin to comprehend that our baby girl is thirteen. When did you grow up on me?

After having two boys I couldn’t even imagine having a daughter. I was skeptical, and asked them each time they would do an ultrasound to be “sure” you were still a girl. I was afraid to name you, buy anything for a nursery, or purchase anything frilly until I held you in my arms, because I didnt want to get my hopes up for a daughter, for the opportunity to raise a girl to be better than I was. You are our Loulou, our Loulee, our Bunny, and as the boys lovingly referred to you, our Cece. Just as I had suspected, you made your entrance and captivated everyone around you from the moment you were born.

But here you are, today as a thirteeen year old young woman. With all of the sass and mood swings I could’ve ever hoped for. Everyone tells you, “You look just like your mother”, and “Y’all are twins” and I always jokingly rebuttle with “attitude and all”. But I want you to know Annalee, you are so much more than my “mini-me”. You are your own person, with your own dreams and goals and aspirations. And I always pray you will be better than I EVER was.

I watched you in the bathroom the other day, using my curling iron (of course), spending endless amount of time getting your hair perfect, and I couldn’t help but think about the days when I would set you on the bathroom counter and blowdry your hair, and ever-so-gently get the rats nests out of your hair that you somehow ALWAYS managed to wake up with. The days of me doing your hair are behind us, and you are no longer asking me to help you put on chapstick (makeup), but instead you are now telling ME what concealer is, and how I need it to hide the bags under my eyes. You are now the one with the makeup bag, and the stealer of all my bathroom vanity accessories. I blinked, and you grew up.

Annalee, today on your 13th birthday, your dad and I want you to know that first and foremost, we love you more than you will ever comprehend. We give you a hard time, because we see how remarkable and special you are, and the amazing young woman you have the potential to become if you so choose.

It goes without saying, but You are beautiful. You havent even tapped in to just how gorgeous you are, because you havent decided to love yourself yet. But the moment you stop caring about what the rest of the world thinks of you, and you see yourself the way God does, and how your dad and I do.. You will see just how radiant you truly are and your outward beauty will be secondary to the kind, compassionate, and intelligent young woman that you are.

I pray you dont sacrafice your values for temporary worldly/boy approval. Its always fleeting, and many all of those sacrafices cost far more than you bargained for. Trust me. In a world of social media, EVERY MESSAGE Heard/seen/read/and insinuated is trying to beat you down, tear you apart, and make you believe you are lessthan. That you arent worthy of peace. of joy. Of happiness.

BUT YOU ARE. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Always remember, your dad and I are your biggest cheerleaders. Just like at your tennis matches, We will be there on the sidelines with the gatorade, when you are thirty for wisdom, with the cool towel when you are exhausted and worn, with the chair, if you need a safe place to sit and rest. We are here to offer words of encouragement, and harsh reminders of when you are being foolish, but always with the intent to make you better. We will always be your biggest fans and loudest critics. For better. For worse. As you begin this next phase, we promise to give you room to find your way, but guidlines to keep you safe.

Our prayer for you in these next seven years, is that you find yourself. that you find WHO ANNALEE EVELYN is. That she is someone that you can be proud of, and confident in. That you become certain of your worth and value, and truly come to understand none of that lies in what you see in the mirror, or in what social media tells you that it is.

We pray you develop a close walk with the LOrd, and arent ashamed to be the girl He created you to be.

We pray you continue to be kind to everyone, and choose to be friends with people that push you to be the best version of yourself and people that you in turn do the same.

Tell the truth. Its much eaiser to sleep at night when you dont have to remember your lies. Be honest with others, and with yourself.

We pray you move forward with respect to your future and make decisions that reflect the woman you hope to be. Be grateful for what you have and say thank you. Be careful what you put in writing, because you will never be able to take it back, and on that note: be careful what you post online. It will affect your future college, jobs, friendships, marriage, and children. The internet and social media are permanent. Remember that.

Lastly, remember you are NOT my mini-me. You are Annalee. You are so much more than I could dream of. You are destined for greatness, and will be EXCEPTIONAL. I PROMISE.

We love you fiercely, and more than you could ever imagine,

Mommy & Dad

A Past.

Everyone has one. Good. Bad. or Indifferent.

I am not the person I was at 18, at 24, or even 30. That girl is gone.

Some days its even hard for me to close my eyes and remember who she was.

How she felt.

How she processed life.

It’s hard to relate to some of her behaviors and actions and choices.

Its hard to reconcile her with the woman I am today.

Because Im not her.

The hardest part of having a past, is people knowing it. Whether it directly affected them or not.

Some people will choose, in their own weakness, to shame you for the person you once were.

But I hope today, you remember:

The past they are shaming you with; that isn’t your home. That isn’t who you are. That doesn’t define the person you have become.

You don’t have to live or accept someone else’s narrative of your own life.

You don’t have to feel continued shame after forgiveness.

After progress.

After putting in the work to learn and understand your past.

There is beauty in grace.

5.6.2020

 

 

Eveyn,

How in the world are you already 13? Where did the years go? I can vividly remember rocking you back and forth every single night to sleep because your ears hurt so bad that you couldn’t sleep, and all you did was scream. We both just spent the first 7 weeks of your life crying together. I thought for sure you were going to be the death of me and my most difficult child. But you have been the polar opposite. Once we got tubes in your ears, and figured out some other medical things… You have been the happiest and easiest child to love and raise. As much as those first seven weeks broke my heart, I wouldn’t trade our long nights together for anything.

You have a heart of gold, and truly light up a room. You are loyal, kind, smart, handsome, and hardworking; and I assure you – all of those qualities will come in handy as you begin this next chapter in your life. You are becoming such a wonderful young man. You have had much loss in your life, yet you have remained whole. You haven’t lost any of yourself in the midst of hard days, and your dad & I are so proud of you for that. We are so blessed to be the ones cheering you on each and every day as you chase you dreams.

You have said on more than one occasion that you already have your life planned out, you are going to go to the Air Force, and going to be a pilot. You have the vision and drive to do whatever you choose in life, Im certain. I love watching you do everything you put your mind to. Like golf. Watching you pick up golf and seeing you and your dad play together will be one of my favorite pastimes. You are truly a talented athlete Eveyn, but even more than that; you have a good time and enjoy yourself and life!

As you embark on this next phase of your life, we promise to give you room to find your way, but guidelines to keep you safe. I pray you realize HOW fast the next seven years will go, and you will choose to make a mark on those around you each day. I pray you move forward with respect to your future and make decisions that reflect the man you hope to be.

I hope you remember, you are loved fiercely. Not only by your dad and I, but by God. You are capable of the VERY best, so never settle for less than that. I pray you remember your brother and sister love you more than life itself. I pray you pick your friends wisely. Being popular isn’t important, but making selective friendships with people that carry your same morals and values IS. Your friends and your future girlfriend(s) should be people with character. People that push you to be the very best you, and people that you in turn do the same. I pray you always know your dad and I are here to talk, to listen, and to pray. We always have your back. Always believe in yourself. What you believe about you, others will too. Make sure they see your greatness. Because you are so worthy of a beautiful life. Be grateful for what you have and say thank you.  Be careful what you put in writing, because you will never be able to take it back. And on that note, in a world of social media: be careful what you post online. It will affect your future jobs, friendships, marriage, & children. The internet and social media are permanent. REMEMBER THAT.

Lastly, Never forget, no matter how great the success, or how mighty the failure, WE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU. ALWAYS.

 

We love you more than you could ever imagine,

Mommy & Dad

April 1st. I don’t talk about this day much, because it’s a very heavy day. It’s a day of reflection, a day of heartache, a day of regret, of gratitude, of brokenness. It’s the day my brother died by suicide.

Stuart was larger than life. He was full of knowledge and wit, and always reminded you of both. He was confident, strong, and a great leader. He was my big brother. He was my hero.

What most people do not realize about this day 6 years ago, is that March 30th 2014, I had called my big brother, the attorney, and begged him to make sure my kids were taken care of. I begged him to love on them always.

There will always be storms. Like crazy can’t see the car in front of you kind of storms. Literal and hypothetical. Storms are a part of this life. But the hope is in the promise of the rainbow. And in the reminder of a tomorrow. Storms don’t last forever. Eventually they stop. And the sun will shine again. 

It seems we are always chasing light. We are always looking for more time. Just one more conversation. One more hug. One more I love you. One more acknowledgement, one more nod of pride. One more smile. One more everything. We are chasing fleeting moments. The sun always fades into night, but we plead for a bit more light anyway. Just a little bit longer. “I’m almost ready”, we say. Though, we never are. No one ever is.

Watching the sun fade on the lives of those we love is never easy. And no matter how many times we experience it, it never gets easier. It always hurts. We always plead for more minutes. For more I love you’s. For more laughter. For more life. We always chase the light hoping to outrun the setting sun. #thebeautyingrace

Hands. They are a beautiful thing. This particular pair is that of my grandaddy. They were strong. Soft. Hardworking. Loving. Callused. Gentle. Steady. Beautiful. I always had a fondness for holding my grandaddy’s hand. I don’t know if it’s because my small hands always felt safe in his, or if they just always seemed loving… But whatever the case, I loved these hands and the man that was attached to them. I will no longer hold his hand this side of eternity, but I look forward to the day when I get to embrace his hands again. #thebeautyingrace