Within these words lie some very large differences, though we often use them interchangeably. For so long I have been the girl that would hold on WAYYY past the expiration date. No matter what it was, Be it a character trait/flaw, a friendship, relationship, job. I am terrible at letting go. So, I push forward. Errr…..  or is it that I push back?

Wait, now Im just confused.

Maybe all this time I thought I was doing the right thing, but it was REALLY the wrong thing. I DO NOT GIVE UP. I like to be right, and I do not like to lose; but on the other hand, I’ll cower in submission, and I’ll take blame for anything. I’m constantly at war with myself. I push way past the breaking point for things, expecting the outcome to change. Expecting to make others see what I see, or feel what I feel, regardless of the amount of damage or the time that has passed. Is it because I’m persevering? or because I’m persistent? Or is it because I’m just plain stubborn? Is it because I hate the thought of losing? Or is because I know in my heart, that there is something worth fighting for?!

I think we as people, judge those that give up too quickly. We urge people to push forward and endure, we rally for those that continue despite EVERY.OBSTACLE. We have secret disdain for those that quit, and murmur words of disappointment when we believe others should continue trekking down a mindless path of persistence. And to what? Is there a means to the end? Does the outcome change? Is there always triumph and victory for those who don’t throw in the towel? Let’s be real y’all: NO! There isn’t always victory. There isn’t always a win. Things won’t finally work out just the way you envisioned, and there will be times when it just will not work. Regardless of how hard you try.

Sometimes, there is that small voice inside of you, that says: “I NEED YOU TO NOT QUIT.” Something that won’t let you let go. And you continue persevering. You continue persisting. And you continue waiting.

Persevering is looking forward with one goal, LEARNING from the failure, and then not making the same mistake over and over.

Persistence is going on regardless of opposition, remaining unchanged. So, usually the same obstacle repeats itself, since no lesson was learned and there was no resolution to change.

Obstinacy is the shear determination to not let go. To be stubborn and hold on, for the sake of holding on.

It was once said that:

“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is one comes from a strong will, while the other comes from a strong won’t.”

I have to be honest, there have been MANY MANY MANY situations I’ve found myself in that I’ve held on just because I refused to let go. I had a very strong won’t! I WONT LOSE. I WONT FAIL. I WONT MOVE ON. I WONT LEARN THIS LESSON. I WONT CHANGE MY WAYS. y’all, my strong WONT, kept me prisoner.

My wont, has kept me from Gods will.

Sometimes the outcome isn’t going to be picture perfect. It’s not going to be rosey, and happy, or just the way you had envisioned. Sometimes it’s messy, it’s painful, it’s hard, and it looks a lot like letting go. Sometimes, it resembles surrendering, walking away, and frankly it looks like heartache. Sometimes the persistence will not ever pay off, and you may never get your yes. Sometimes you have to be willing to throw in the towel, waive your white flag, and face the music. Persistence has a time limit. Eventually it runs out, and you are no further along than you were when you started.

Perseverance on the other hand, is limitless. It always pushes forward, through every set back, it continues to inch closer to victory. It doesn’t seize, and is relentless in its pursuit. Perseverance is the strength in mind, body, and spirit to accept the hardships gracefully, be willing to bend and learn as you trek, and to never lose sight of the prize. Be it big or small, a job, a relationship, an endeavor.. There is that constant whisper saying: “I need you to NOT quit.”

So what are you doing? Are you persevering, are your persisting, or are you just plain obstinate? No one can determine which of these you are doing but you. But take a moment to consider the journey.. Are you any farther for having been on it? Have you been willing to learn painful lessons, and then apply them? Have you whined and stomped your feet and screamed NO!!? Have you been gracious and understanding? Or have you just been too scared to face the unknown? Have you been too prideful to admit defeat, and too stubborn to let that which is gone, go?

For me, I’ve been a lot of each of these. Too scared to let go, because I fear being alone. Too afraid to take the next giant step, because what if I fail?! Too prideful to walk away and accept failure, because does that mean I AM A FAILURE? BUT, and there IS a BUT: I’ve also held on and fought for what was important. I’ve made mistake after mistake after mistake, but somehow I’ve gotten farther having gone through the pain. I’ve endured hell (Usually my own consequence to my own action), and I’m still standing. I’ve seen beauty from ashes, and I’ve experienced restoration. I’ve truly felt the reward of perseverance.

Its taken me a lot of pain, a lot of holding on too long, and my share of letting go too early; to truly understand the fine, yet GINORMOUS differences between these three words. There are times when I hear that voice LOUDLY urging me to just NOT Quit, and then there are others that remind me to walk away gracefully.

Every circumstance is different. Every person isn’t the same. What one can endure and persevere and be victorious in, may not be the same outcome for another. And that is ok. Its ok to surrender. Sometimes, that’s the victory in and of itself. It takes courage to admit defeat, and it takes courage to wade through opposition. Be still, and listen to that small voice inside. Choose to have a strong will when necessary, and a gracious relinquishment when and if its time.

There are circumstances that I  will choose to persevere and press forward, knowing in my heart God is uttering “I need you to not quit.” There are some that I even have been persistent in at times, and that persistence turned into perseverance. I began opening my eyes to reality, and became willing to learn some really hard lessons, and then change my path and my direction accordingly. There are certain areas in my life, where I am going to remain steadfast and hold on, trusting in God’s will.

and there are others today, that I will bow out of. I will acknowledge defeat, and I will choose to face the fears of the unknown. With the confidence that God’s will is ALWAYS stronger than my wont.

the above image is from the instagram of: @andrearhowey