If you haven’t heard this song, take a moment and truly listen to the lyrics. It speaks volumes into the depths of insecurity for me, and even further into the depths that the insecurity took me. I struggled for FAR too long to change who I was in an order to be “loved”. I became anything but myself. I would wake up every day hoping to be liked, wanted, and desired. I found myself in a faithless marriage, seeking the attention of any man that would look my direction, and worst of all, I WAS A MOTHER. I was setting the example to look into the mirror. To find your value in only what you can see. Each night, I would find myself sleepless, hating who I was. I didn’t like who I had become. I didn’t even know myself anymore. I kept thinking that someone else could love me enough for me and for them. I was so wrong.

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized there was only one love that would fulfill the gaping hole in my heart- one love that would wash away the insecurity and reveal the confidence I had long searched for. It wasn’t until I found Jesus, (And some amazing counselors and a very supportive boyfriend) that I was able to piece my life back together, the way it was meant to be. I realize now, I don’t have to try to be someone I’m not. I don’t have to show every piece of skin on my body to be beautiful, I don’t have to have perfectly teased hair to be accepted, I don’t need to weigh less than my 11 year old to be healthy, I don’t have to be bankrupt to be fulfilled, I don’t have to be sexy to be loved. I don’t have to try anymore, not for that anyway.

These days, I try to wake up every morning and Thank God for another day (unless its a really wet Monday, and then I ask for more sleep), I try to have patience throughout my work day and do my job to the very best of my abilities, I try to be the most present mother when I am with my children… pouring into their needs and lives instead of my social media accounts or the mirror, I try to show my children that their worth is in the kind of people they are instead of what the mirror reflects, I try to give grace as I have received it so overwhelmingly from my Savior, I try to offer forgiveness even when its not asked of me, I try to show my love to the people that matter most each day and in new ways, I try to shine Jesus in all that I do, and I try to share the shame, and the pit of insecurity that I walked through so that someone else walking through it can see there is Light, there is hope!!! And You don’t have to try to earn His love. Jesus extends it freely. You friend, are SO WORTH LOVING! Just as you are. Don’t settle for insecurity and the lies that Satan feeds you of your worth. Remember, you are uniquely you, and bring something incredible to the table, regardless of where you’ve been! Don’t TRY to earn love, you’ll always come up emptier than you went down!