I’m a mom. Period. I’m a mom that has three amazing children. A mom, that at 19 married the wrong man because we had a child together. I’m a mom that for 10 years was broken and lost and hurting. I’m a mom that for 10 years was selfish and put myself and my wants and needs above others. I’m a mom. One that has a history of “not getting it right”. One lined with lies, pain, cheating, and heartache. I’m a mom. I’m a mom that because of the past that I chose, I now am a single mom. Full time. To three children. 24/7. No break. No time to breathe. And that isn’t a good or a bad thing. Or anyone else’s problem. It just IS. That is what I am. Because of the choices my ex-husband and I made, He is in prison and I am a full time mother and father.

I’m a mom. But being a mom requires me to still do all the things that a mother does. A mother goes to the grocery store, she runs errands, she goes to target, she exchanges clothes, she still has to meet all of life’s demands for her children as well as herself. She cooks, she cleans, she folds clothes, she takes children to the doctor, she helps with homework, she bathes them, she reads with them, she plays even when she is exhausted, she prays with them, she picks up the same pair of shoes 100 times in a day, she goes and she goes and she goes. She gives even when there isn’t much left to give. From 5:30 am to 11:30pm…. NON STOP. 7 days a week, 365 days a year… and odds are by 2 am someone will have had a nightmare, and she will have to get someone water, and hug them and tell them it’ll be alright, and sleep with a child for the next 3 hours…. Because SHE IS A MOM. PERIOD.  This is life. It’s my life. It’s not “leave it to beaver” or perfect. It’s life. I’m not always going to get it right 100% of the time. But, I am putting my children first ALWAYS. I am putting God first ALWAYS. And I do everything I can to be the best mother I can be to the three most amazing children on this planet. Being a mom, is the hardest job I WILL ever have. Its thankless, and truly has no end. But, With ALL of this being said: I love my life. And I wouldnt trade any moment in the trenches of motherhood for anything else in this world.

Grace

grās/
noun
1.
simple elegance or refinement of movement.
“she moved through the water with effortless grace”
synonyms: elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; More
antonyms: inelegance, stiffness
courteous goodwill.
“at least he has the grace to admit his debt to her”
synonyms: courtesy, decency, (good) manners, politeness, decorum, respect, tact
“he at least had the grace to look sheepish”
an attractively polite manner of behaving.
plural noun: graces
“she has all the social graces”
2.
(in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

There is such beauty In His grace. That even though I’m a bucket of issues, and I’m less than perfect, and seem to mess up at very turn- He still favors me. He shows His unrelenting love upon me, and not by my merit. But through Jesus and Jesus alone. As you will soon come to see, I’m anything but worthy of this sort of grace. But, then again you aren’t either. None of us are. We all have a past we aren’t proud of, decisions we wish we could redo, relationships we wish we never would’ve entered into, addictions we form and try to break, lies we’ve told, people we’ve hurt, choices we’ve made- and each of these would be large reason for God to turn away from us. But, no! He pursues us even in the midst of all that mess. In the heap of my heartache is where I found God. At the pinnacle of my brokenness He showed me The beauty in grace.

This is my story. My blog. My heart. This is my vulnerability and my heartache and my struggles. This is raw. It’s painful, but it’s real. It’s truth. And it’s anything but pretty. Pray for me as I begin this next step in my faith. I believe God is asking me to share my story. I pray I could do it in such a way that it gives Him ALL THE HONOR and ALL THE PRAISE. Through He and He alone I was found. I was lost, But He truly found me in the depths of darkness. He illuminated a new path for me with His love- A love I was craving for- One I searched my entire life to find.

I pray that through my story, you see His beauty as well–THE BEAUTY IN GRACE